eyes wide open
by acapricorn
Summary: it's quite funny how pretty and charming girls can be when they stop chasing boys. Or Sakura learns that playing hard to get is actually a pretty efficient tactic but it's just too bad that she's not playing anymore. (time travel/second chance, Sakura!centric)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Dead End Here

At 40, Sakura is like the divorced suburban mom with too many boyfriends alternating bi-weekly who smokes whole packs of cigarettes on her porch steps while contemplating about her mistakes from when she were younger.

In other words, she's still a fucking badass _thank-you-very-much_ but her daughter would probably object otherwise, she knows.

Thinks that she's an embarrassment which is why she doesn't bring that boyfriend of hers over. Only takes Boruto to see the other parent among the two of them. The more pedigreed one. The infamous Sasuke-freaking-Uchiha.

And oh. Fuck him by the way. Fuck him and every single one of his holier-than-thou ancestors that thought they were the _Shit_ and looked down on everyone that was like her.

_Civilian _that is.

Like what's so embarrassing about being civilian anyways? What's so _wrong _about climbing your way up the workforce without a bloodline limit or some super secret clan techniques? What's wrong with being the first in your family generation to become a ninja?

She climbed up to where she is through putting in the work just like everybody else and yet that 'civilian-born' title followed her all the way from beginning to the end and it even deemed her as 'less desirable' in Sasuke's eyes at one point in time.

An _Uchiha? _Marrying a _civilian_? (not a civilian, a civilian-_born _god damn you fuckers-)

It would be sure to weaken the bloodline they all said.

_Well bloody fuck ME. _

Anyways, she has a lot of regrets about how she's done things. Her one life, her one youth and she wasted it all on a guy who never thought her to be his equal.

And that was the crux of the problem you know? No matter how many achievements she's stacked up over the years, that man's misogynistic prejudice-faced ass was never gonna be the one to give her credit where credit was due. Not in a _million _years. She'll bet on that.

How could you even _hope _to love somebody you didn't respect?

Needless to say, he never cherished her either.

On that porch step she smokes and smokes and smokes until her vision is clouded up by a grey haze. For days, for weeks, for months until she finally hits a whole year and unsurprisingly gets diagnosed with news of her lung cancer that she decides she's not gonna bother fixing at this point.

But contrary to everything, she can finally 'see' clearly now.

* * *

When she wakes up after dying via coughing at the Konoha General Hospital and sees pink-ceiling, all she could wonder is who was the one to let her coffin down into the ground.

Because she wrote special instructions in her will for those roles to be designated to Sasuke and Sarada.

That way her unfilial daughter and that heartless ex-husband could 'let her down' one last time.

She doesn't get up, she pretends not to hear the banshee voice of her dead mother screaming to hurry up downstairs.

Sakura's glad to know that her parents are here with her in heaven but they really need to take it chill with this whole 'going to school' business.

So she rolls around in her childhood bed to face into the wall and closes her eyes; hoping that the action of it would somehow reduce the painful throbbing sensation in her brain.

* * *

The next time she wakes up, she's in the Konoha General Hospital again (she would recognize her workplace anywhere, having spent more time here than at her actual home).

So Sakura's left to wonder if she's actually _not _in fact, dead.

Maybe when she had her bloody coughing fit that time and blacked out, she was in-fact merely just passed out.

And then somehow she must've hallucinated the scene of her childhood room with her parents voices and etc.

She let her head fall back into the pillows with a sigh. So much for heaven.

But then she notices in passing the state of the room she was currently in and frowned. It looked like one of those old, decrepit hospital rooms that had yet to go under renovation.

...seriously, they put her in _this _kind of room after all that she's sacrificed for the hospital? Her time, her effort, her research, her breakthroughs in the field of medicine-

And not to mention she was also a patient too _dammit! _She expects better service than this for the amount of hefty hospitalization fees that are being drawn out of her bank account even as they speak.

Of course she knows that this isn't some hotel...but still...what about the comfort of patients? For christ's sake this room didn't even have a monitoring machine! Those were supposed to be implemented at every hospital around twenty years ago-

_Wait, hold up. _

'_There's something I'm not getting here and it's something big. I can feel it.' _

With her head no longer pounding (was that really a hallucination too?) she was able to think more clearly.

...but as intelligent as Sakura may be, never in a million years would she had been able to come up with 'time travel into the body of her child-self'.

That is, until her parents entered at that moment.

And that was how Mr. and Mrs. Haruno saw their daughter's mouth open and close, gaping like a fish until '_I need an extra strong shot of vodka'_ came uttered out of their eight-year-old baby girl.

* * *

When you come to live with a lot of regrets like she had, you tend to think and imagine the impossible.

So _sure, _she can admit herself to contemplating the idea of time-travel at one point or the other but now that she was actually placed in that very same position;

She didn't know what to do with herself, honestly.

There were vague ideas about what she wants to change...but even then, she realizes that it isn't really much.

The goal was simple-_too simple _almost: don't marry Sasuke.

-in fact, don't even go on and become friends with that full-of-shit motherfucker. And besides, there was no rule saying that just because you were in the same genin squad together you'd end up being some lifelong bffs.

"Sweetie, are you done preparing for school?"

_Baby, she was done preparing for __**life. **__Let's get some things right in this turn around. _

* * *

It's not hard to go back to school in her child body and get in the routine of studying, training and beating back her 'bullies' that were, really, little more than some playground brats.

No, it's not hard at all.

What _sucks _is having to sometimes bump into, or see in your peripheral vision the aged-down versions of your...co-workers? Former-friends?

The Konoha Twelve.

Once upon a time ago she would've thought that nothing would prevent them from having each other's backs. They went through a _war _together after all-

So _naturally _they wouldn't be like the generations that came before them, that forgot the bonds of friendship and camaraderie over time in favour of their own self interests.

They were-

Arrogant. So _so _arrogant.

To think that they were, the twelve of them-somehow _above _human nature.

Had not the previous clan heads all been classmates at one point in time? Comrades that _once _had each other's backs in the face of war? And yet all their generations could remember for as long as they could was their cold, cordial attitudes towards one another at clan gatherings.

The rest of the Konoha Twelve that grew up witnessing this sight from their respective clans had gotten the memo. To drift apart and disperse-_slowly-_when there was no longer a need for themselves to huddle together in the face of an immense outside threat.

Where they had all used to visit Neji's grave together on the anniversary of his death...the tradition was only being upheld by herself and Hinata at the time of her death in Sakura's past life.

At the very end of her life, she remembers having a superficial relationship with Ino for the fear of losing the other completely, and then Naruto, whom she rarely saw out of his office that he became more her 'Hokage' than her 'friend'.

It was not just Sasuke who betrayed her trust and expectations. In the span of when she was seventeen until fourty-one, her friends had broken her heart too.

'_I trust our bond.'_

'_I trust you not to let me down or our bond.' _

'_I trust, I trust.'_

Nobody told her it would be like this when she grows up.

So yeah, compared to how her life was as an adult, being a kid again was _easy. _

* * *

It was another sparring match with Sasuke and-

"Winner: Sakura Haruno!" Iruka announced...and then proceeded to scold her for walking away coldly without performing the seal of reconciliation.

Was it harsh of her to beat down a _child _you ask? Sure, but in the eyes of the world she was also a 'child'. So it's not like it mattered.

More than that though, she wanted for once, for a _single moment in time _to be the one that outshines both Naruto and Sasuke combined. And if those glory days could only be accomplished in this dingy academy before they all graduate and the boys inevitably catch up to her...then so be it.

And plus, it didn't help in Sasuke's case that she had as numerous grudges to pick on with the guy as there were stars in the night sky.

Looking as if she wasn't able to take it anymore, Ino marched over angrily in her direction, leaving behind her clique of fangirl cronies.

"You're hurting his _face!_" she exclaimed, the utmost frustration laced in her tone.

She glanced up at the taller girl with an arched eyebrow like '_so?' _

Ino shook like a leaf trying to contain her fury but didn't look like she would throw out a punch against her, rookie of the year. As expected, she had always been somewhat of a scaredy cat.

So Sakura breezily walks past the other, but not before throwing off a comment.

"If he wants his 'face' to stop hurting then he should try winning for once."

And then, with her back turned to everyone, she walked out of the courtyard.

* * *

She's laying on the rooftop, skipping class again when she feels the _other _presence.

"What do you want?" she asks, clicking her tongue in annoyance.

Doesn't she think she's done quite frankly enough? It was the other's fault that they were stuck in this mess. Or any mess at all. And then her weak ass would retreat back and leave her to deal with all the bullshit consequences.

Sakura could hardly believe this was what an adult was supposed to act like. But in any case, they'd already established a long _long _time ago that she wouldn't become an adult like that. A person like _her. _

'_**I'm sorry.' **_

"Sorry, _sorry. _That's all you know how to say huh?"

There was silence on the other end but she could _feel _the palpable sense of guilt that the other felt. They were one afterall.

"...so what's next chief? Are you still gonna hide behind my back like the little _bitch _that you are? Whether it was your divorce or your child practically disowning you from 'before' you couldn't handle none of it so I had to deal with all of it." she growled, lifting herself up so that she was now seated.

When she could no longer feel the other's presence after that, Sakura knew that the damn old hag had '_retreated'. _

"...fucking cunt. Dumb stupid ugly bitch. This is why your husband left you ya know?!" she shouted, huffing for breath at the end.

Then Sakura dropped her head into her open hands and muttered.

"Shit _shit..._come back already you stupid hag...what man was worth it for you to kill yourself...shit…"

* * *

A true love requires one to fall in love with their eyes wide open.

This, was Inner's story.

* * *

**from acapricorn: **

**This shit right here gonna be Lit y'all. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Pettiness is a disease

The time when Inner woke up and found herself fully in control of 'their' body with Outer nowhere to be found, she panicked.

Like _what the fuck. _

Of course, in theory they were the same person; just two different personalities.

But she was always painfully aware of how Outer's life was...Outer's. She had no place there as much as she may have wanted when she was much younger and just forming into existence.

Back then she thought it was really unfair how, although they were one and the same, she was forced to live in the darkness while Outer got to live in the light and experience all that the _outside _had to offer.

It felt like the most painful form of jealousy in the world.

And it would be a lie to say she ever got over it. There was just so much greed in her that she couldn't simply _not _feel this way. That's not how feelings worked.

But she never intended to act upon those feelings since she believed that how she felt was her problem and her problem alone to deal with.

So that is to say she never in a million years would've _really _wished Outer to go away and steal what was, by all means, _her life. _

And trust her, even though it sounds so far fetched to believe...she and Outer were like sisters. Twins of sorts. So even if you got jealous of your sister, it's not as if you would wish her dead right?

She had Outer's memories, she had her skills due to muscle memory and such-

But her relationships were solely her own and it was something she had no _right _to intrude on, posturing as a friend, lover, parent etc.

Those were all things that Outer had built with her blood sweat and tears so it felt offensive to claim those relationships as her own when she was at most just a spectator dwelling in the same body as the person they knew.

But nevertheless she knew what caused Outer to forsake the world and hide away like that.

There were many factors and variables but ultimately it boiled down to one person; Sasuke Uchiha.

If Sakura was the type of person to pour her blood, sweat and tears into her friendships, then what she offered to Sasuke Uchiha on a silver platter was her own very soul.

When their toxic guise of a 'marriage' ended, she knew that Outer took it really hard, having been the sole witness to her spiral into depression. She knew that she blamed herself and as much as Inner tried to boost her moral and swerve away from that line of thinking, it didn't work.

She couldn't help the Sakura who believed herself to be a failure with just merely words of consolation.

It was frustrating and it made her angry everytime to think how _that man _couldn't see what was going on and how utterly wrecked his wife was. Or maybe he just doesn't care anymore about how far Sakura has to fall.

(and that thought made Inner want to go on a rampage all over Konoha. Preferably stomping on that man's ancestral home).

At first, she held the hope that things would change after this second chance that they obtained from be it a God or the Devil himself.

But she was proven wrong by underestimating just how..._destroyed _Outer really was on the result of Sasuke's abandonment.

She didn't _want _to try again in the hopes of making things better. To achieve a better ending with Sasuke this time. Failing once was one thing but failing twice-no, even the mere _possibility _of failing again…

Outer was scared, she knows. It was just simple self-preservation at this point.

And that's why even if she's allowed to have mercy for anybody else; criminals, prostitutes, you name it...she vowed that she would never _ever _hold mercy in her heart for one Sasuke Uchiha.

He didn't deserve it. Not from her at least.

* * *

She pummels the Uchiha in every spar, match, practice that they have. And inevitably, as a result of Sakura's..._diligence _she realizes that she may have unintentionally caused Sasuke's taijutsu level to jump by leaps and bounds.

Or so she thinks as she dumbly stares up at the smirking boy in front of her eyes, his silhouette glowing from the sunlight positioned behind him.

She had-

...lost?

'_Hah?!' _

She props herself up using her elbows into a more sitting-like position in automatic motions, seemingly in a trance.

She stares at the palms of her callused hands as if they would provide answers has to how she had lost.

And nothing cropped up and she was left muttering a single word.

"...genius." that damnable label. Yes, how could she forget?

She didn't look up anymore to see that disgusting smirk on this...this-_brat's _face and instead turned her own face away while clicking her tongue.

She brushed herself off as gracefully as she could-

But lost it when she saw him extending out his hand.

She slapped it away and glared at him with enough hate to murder his clan ten times over. It wasn't too far off from her real feelings anyways.

There was a second of...shock? that flashed across his expressions before it settled into that stony silent superiority.

Fucking _prick. _

Sakura was more careful in her fights with Sasuke after that. Having another fluke by her carelessness would be so embarrassing she would really die then.

He doesn't win after that.

* * *

It was common knowledge to everyone at the Academy that Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno had _the worst _relationship with each other; so much that it was actually offensive to call what they had a 'relationship'.

It was more like a non-relationship.

Whereas Naruto and Sasuke didn't get along like cats and dogs, Sakura and Sasuke got along like Senju and-

Well, one of them actually _was _an Uchiha but Iruka digresses.

The point is that Sakura looked at Sasuke as if he owed her a debt of a million ryo and wasn't paying up. Her entire attitude (and trust him, the little spitfire's got a lot of it-) was if she couldn't believe she was forced to breathe the same air as vermin. Like the world was doing her dirty by making her live in _coexistence _with Sasuke.

And of course, as for Sasuke-

Well, who would want to be treated like _that? _

So he retaliates against her barbs with his own occasional quipps…

-and Sakura pummels him in the taijutsu match for that day to the point where the poor boy's mother in heaven was probably crying while watching over all of this.

...and Iruka feels like apologizing (preferably in a _dogeza _form) at being unable to stop the violent abuse being thrown at her son.

In any case, in the eyes of everybody Sakura had become something of a local tyrant whereas Sasuke had filled the role of a-hm, he didn't want to say 'bullied kid' but…

In conclusion, it was rather an outcome that no one would've expected or believed without seeing it with their own eyes.

And Iruka had his work as a 'teacher-counselor' cut out for him it seems.

* * *

Everybody in the class are probably thinking that Sasuke is..._the victim _and it's making her want to laugh hysterically like a madwoman preferably in a bathrobe with a glass of champagne in her hand.

But nevertheless she knows that the general sympathy is decidedly _not _on her side but that was fine, these motherfuckers didn't know shit to be talking.

Honestly, Sakura felt embarrassed for the fact that their mouths were still open and yapping. Her and God are laughing at them right now and they don't even know it.

_Anyways. _Where was she again?

...right, so she was in 'anger-management-counseling' and 'general-therapy-group' with none other than Sasuke ft. the Hyuugas. As in _plu-ral. _

And apparently it was mandatory attendance required unless they each wanted to forfeit their ninja headbands and therefore-_graduation. _

Now after calming down from calling Iruka a 'little bitch' in 23 different ways Sakura's ready to lend her utmost co-operation to this current endeavour.

She turns to Sasuke, and with a saccharine sweet smile on her face full of understanding sympathy-

"..._of course _I don't think you're vermin! How could I ever, _possibly _think of you as such?!"

"G..ood?" Iruka encourages uncertainly from the side.

"-you're vermin shit, duh." she finishes in a monotone.

A beat of silence.

There was a 'thump' as Iruka-sensei's head dropped onto the desk.

The smile on her face dropped and her mouth curved into a devilish smirk.

As usual, his only response was to stare blankly for a fraction of a moment before turning away. And as usual, never once was there a _flicker, _a wavering of emotion in those calm ocean depths of eyes.

Just like now.

Just like in her memories when he left 'her' for the last time.

...it was pissing her off.

'_As usual' _she thought emptily.

* * *

**from acapricorn: **

**"its not short" or so I say about my chapters and my skirt if anybody asks. **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: and hate breeds hate

It was the most useless thing that Sakura had ever heard of; having Sasuke be enrolled in a 'therapy group' under the premise that he was being 'bullied'.

-like honestly, you might as well come out and say the truth.

"_Hey, so your entire family being killed in one night seems kinda traumatizing and although you passed those psych evaluations from before we just wanna make sure that you're REALLY okay by dumping your ass into group therapy but we're totally not gonna say you're here because of that reason." _

The thing is-Sakura _gets it. _There'll be practically no other chances for the Hokage or whoever was behind this whole farce to man-handle Sasuke into therapy or something similar once he reaches the status of genin. And therefore, an 'adult' in the eyes of the Konoha law.

-but why involve _her _under this bullshit cover-up excuse of 'bullying'?

Oh yeah-because it was always all about Sasuke motherfucking _Uchiha. _That's why.

(yes, she hit him but only when it was mandated appropriate to do so in class. In demonstrations, spars, matches, etc.)

(and yes she swears profanity at him but only _barely _as she would rather pretend his existence wasn't an actual thing)

So in the end all that she was really here for was a having a little bit of a potty mouth. Ridiculous.

"-an utter waste of time." Neji mutters from beside her

He was leaning against the wall and they were in the hallway while Hinata and Sasuke were in separate rooms with some Yamanaka people, conducting the actual 'therapy' part she'd bet.

But Sakura was under the impression that he was sleeping-(_while standing up?_) since his eyes were closed for all this time.

She herself was squatted on the floor for the better half of an hour now.

She felt a sense of camaraderie with him as they both were being forced to share the painful duties of chaperoning after people they absolutely _hated. _

'_...like hey man. I get you.' _or so Sakura could envision herself saying emphatically while having a round of drinks together if only she was back to being in a legal aged body.

-and oh. Hinata was here for her anxiety problems which one might-just _maybe _notice if you were to stick around the girl for more than five minutes.

For Christs sake, none of their teachers (even _Iruka!_) could understand what she was saying 130% of the time. She was quiet as a mouse and then on top of it with her heavy stuttering she had utterly managed to butcher the language.

"I wanna go home." I say aloud, eyes rolled upward to gaze at the flickering bulb of light that was precariously hanging from the ceiling.

Coming back from the future, one of the things she tends to...notice is the much lower standards of living that everybody was subjected to in this time.

So although she may have many complaints about Naruto as a _friend, _as a Hokage he did his job damn well and brought them into a new age of prosperity with trade and technology and whatnot.

...God, she misses her laptop. She was still watching some shows on there and never got to finish them before she kicked the bucket from excessive smoking of all things.

Like, she thought the tattoo of freaky cell-regeneration was actually supposed to take care of all her health shit so that she lived up to a hundred while looking like she was forever stuck in her mid-twenties. Ah, dying young and beautiful. Every female's dream and she was living it.

(apparently she hadn't gotten the memo that she was supposed to _continually _feed chakra to the thing. Kinda like renewing a subscription after a certain period of time.)

-but wait. If she was stuck here under accusations of 'bullying' Sasuke (and by the way she would eat her left arm if Ino wasn't behind these alleged 'eye-witness accounts'. Fucking pig.)

Then what was Neji here for? Why did it have to be him specifically? The Hyuuga clan was large and prosperous (she means:filthy rich) so they could've sent one of their many many spawns to pick up their princess after her therapy session was done.

So you can't just tell me out of all the hundreds of members you had to choose the one that hated the girl's guts by principal.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she eventually decides to ask him.

He side eyes her but not in a malicious manner. It was calm, assessing. And she had to say, he looked much different like that than in the memory re-plays she watched of him where he was screaming with a maniac gleam in his eyes about destiny and fate and whatnot.

Here he kinda just looked like a normal (albeit very very _pretty_) boy. The long hairstyle wasn't doing him any favours either.

(it was always the pretty ones that are the nut cases. Sasuke's example was a prime case of that.)

"...the clan head ordered me."

Sakura winced at that.

Ouch, not even asked. _Ordered. _

"And you?" he asks, tilting his head politely.

He sounded mechanical, like he was asking merely for the sake of asking and didn't really care for the answer either way.

"...they said I'm bullying him." I pouted, wanting to vent about the unfairness of being used as a pawn in someone else's game.

"-pft!"

Looking surprised even to himself, Neji laughed. And laughed. And _laughed. _

Just when Sakura was starting to get annoyed he managed to _stop laughing _and stuttered out.

"Y-you? Against the Uchiha?" he mocked, condescendingly.

_Alright then. _

Enough was enough, this guy was getting on her fucking _nerves. _Did he think she wouldn't notice shit with his blatantly disdainful attitude.

Fucking prick asshole. Sexist too she'd _bet. _

Before he even had the chance to _blink _with his creepy eyes or whatnot she throws him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and launches him against the door of the empty classroom that Sasuke and his therapist were in.

(because fuck him too).

Nevertheless the door is broken (Neji, unfortunately is _not_) but he's sitting there in a daze while looking up at her.

Hn. It was a good position for him to be in. Gives real perspective you know?

"_Dumbasses" _she scoffed, wrinkling her nose at the sheer amount of stupid male pride that was concentrated in this classroom alone.

Birds of a feather should flock together.

-stay together and stay the _fuck _away from her please.

* * *

It's not all that surprising to find Neji waiting outside her classroom door after-school with a throng of fangirls behind his trail.

Could he get anymore _loud? _

"-I want a re-match." he declares, blocking up the exit (not like she expected anything less) and just being a general, overall nuisance.

Shikamaru complains loudly 'troublesome' and she's tempted to flick him off it this weren't kind of her own fault.

_Kind of. _

The fangirls look more nervous than swooning in love which meant-

Good. they heard the rumours of her. (she'd casually heard some of the things said about her by teachers and students alike due to habitually napping on the rooftop).

That meant they could drag his body away once he pulverizes their 'prince charming'.

"_Move. _I don't feel like breaking down another door today. They billed my parents the last time" and she got scolded okay?

His lip twitches and she rolls his eyes. He was annoyed of her? She was annoyed of _him. _

Pretty was pretty but annoying was also _god damn annoying. _

'_Geez, no wonder Outer got rejected so many times by Sasuke when she was younger.' _

She turns on her heel and walks out, regardless of whether he was following or not.

Nor does she catch the puzzled and furrowed expression of Neji's as he catches up to her steps after a moment of seemingly contemplating something.

* * *

It was another _tuesday _and officially Sakura's least favourite day of the week.

Sasuke approaches her desk at the end of the last class for the day and waits as she packs up. Sasuke, being the rich kid he is with all that inheritance money-has already shoved everything into a storage scroll of his.

And she, being quite frankly; _plebeian, _actually has to carry around a backpack.

And also- that was another aspect of Sakura and Sasuke's marriage. Everyone thought that she was a gold digger.

Honey, this gold digger almost got killed by the guy that she was supposed to dig gold _from. _If she was a gold digger then she did a damn terrible job of it, that's for sure.

(especially since towards the latter half of their marriage, she _was _the richer spouse due to all her medical patents).

She _was _a rich man.

...well, not anymore though.

"-can you _ugh, _leave?"

She snaps, fed up from his _sticking. _It was as if he was doing it on purpose, knowing it would annoy her-

Oh.

The _prick. _

"...just making sure you don't lose the way." he deadpans.

In a sea of rage I grab whatever I could and launch the object at him- which turns out to be my pencil case that he catches easily with one hand.

Taking hostage of her pencil case, he turns around and walks away with an annoying _infuriating _reminder thrown over his shoulder as to not to forget to come by the classroom that they always went to, every tuesday, despite Sakura's increasing frustration it was to no avail.

She had to go or else it would be kissing her career good-bye.

One day, she vowed to be viewed as a greater asset to this village than Sasuke.

No- that wasn't nearly enough. A single strand of hair on her head had to be worth more than Sasuke.

_One day. _She thought, glaring at the uchiwa fan emblazoned upon his retreating back.

* * *

Neji coughed.

"Hello." he spoke up.

She stared, turning to examine him dead in the eye- and good, no sign of drugs. Pupils were focusing normally.

"-kai!" then, she made a move to try and dispel the genjutsu but nope, they were still sitting in a ratty old classroom, the four of them, waiting for Iruka to show up because he was running late for some reason today.

No illusion? Alright then.

"Fuck off." she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, thumping back on her own chair.

"I-"

"No rematches you sore loser." I cut him off, already having an idea of the next words that would spill out of his mouth.

"Sakura-"

"Another condescending _word _out of your mouth and we'll see how well you'd fare from being thrown out the second story window this time." I grunted, really not in the mood to play his games after already dealing with Sasuke.

They were complete and utter brats -and Sasuke especially. The fact that out of all the uchihas there were, _he _had to be the last survivor makes her want to track down Itachi and sue him.

Was it harsh? She didn't give a fuck.

All that Sakura knew was that as long as Sasuke's living well _she _won't be able to live well. Therefore, she had to be the only one living well while he suffers for an entire lifetime.

Then, she would consider their debts to each other cleared.

She would return the misery he gave her over the last three and a half decades of her life (since the age of 6 when she first met him) and he would give her back all the happiness she _could've _had if she simply wasn't hung up on sharing his pain and misery for the last three and a half decades.

She doubts that even if he managed to search far and wide all over the elemental nations that he could've found a more dedicated and selfless wife than she had been.

And then even so, he never loved her.

What was a tragedy? This was a fucking tragedy dammit.

* * *

**from acapricorn:**

**I have such a vision for this story and y'all don't even KNOW ugh. **


	4. Chapter 4

**from acapricorn: **

**I usually don't put Author's Notes at the start of a chapter and they're usually short and commentary-like on my end. But some things need to be said. First of all, I'm really thankful for the love and support this story has gained thus far. At only three chapters, your responses are amazing and I feel like I don't express that enough (even though the gratitude is in my heart). Secondly, I don't really like where my story is at in terms of plot, characterization or writing. That being said, by no means am I giving up on this story or anything. Cause that's not my style. I've resolved to try harder and have been planning out multiple things in terms of story plot-line so that not only can I write chapters more enjoyable to ****_me, _****you guys as reader can also ****_read _****much more enjoyable content. What irks me is that how I feel as though I could've written some parts in chapter 2 and 3 wayyyy better and the perfectionist (capricorn) in me goes on a rampage. There's nothing to be really done at this stage other than just roll with it. **

_**Anyhow,**_** the real important and noteworthy announcement I wanted to make was that I will be having a release schedule of MONDAYS for this fic. I feel like with more structure in my release schedule I can have a more disciplined sort of work ethic and thus, do good on delivering my promise of above-mediocre writing. **

**so from now on, the only flames and even criticism that I will accept graciously is if you're yelling at me for not updating on time.**

* * *

Chapter Four: Restart

Returning back to the past wasn't quite as desirable in reality she finds out.

There was a lot of expectation in the beginning. And now, almost at the three year anniversary mark of coming back to the past, all that was left were a lot of unfulfilled expectations.

What Sakura means by this is that...surprisingly, there was not a lot she wanted to accomplish- nor change- after sitting down and thinking really really hard on the subject.

Perhaps she would be labeled as being unambitious. But she herself sees it differently.

Most people, when thrown in the far past like she had been, would seek to change the timeline in ways to benefit themselves.

If you knew a loved one had died or been killed at a certain point, they would try to prevent that event from ever taking place.

Or how in the opposite way if there was someone who betrayed you and harmed you in the future, you would seek to revenge against them in the past. The very- let's say -predictable past.

And then maybe for a majority of them, if given the chance to rewind the clock, they would seek to improve themselves using whatever possible methods and eventually stand at the top of the world. To make good on the lost time and the lost youth that- in their first runthrough, they had spent so frivolously.

And like the 'most people' that Sakura mentions, she was the same as all of them. She too, initially, wanted all those things.

Until that is, when she recognized that none of it mattered. None of it would, quite frankly- make a difference in her current life. To her current self.

In the past (or future, depending on how you saw it) Sakura's parents had died before some times before Sarada's birth and she had only found out through the newspaper obituary.

It shouldn't have felt quite so shocking as it did at the time. After all, their relationship had fallen out ever since her parent's objections to marrying Sasuke were laid out bare on the table. But at that point, she was so...ahead of herself, so...obsessed with this ideal of love that she had in her mind to care about what her parents had to say about the matter. The two people in the world who gave birth to her and raised her.

But even way before the shotgun wedding that she had at just twenty-years-old, she'd already drifted far and wide from them during her adolescent years.

They couldn't understand her, they said. But that in itself was quite understandable since Sakura didn't get herself either.

She did mourn their death afterwards however. She visits their grave every year and cleans and weeds out the peripheries.

...but the thing about parents is that it doesn't really matter how good you are towards them after they're dead. It was what you did for them when they were alive and kicking that counted.

And unfortunately for herself, she didn't do much for them during that time. She had missed her window of opportunity.

But you know, after maybe approaching twenty years after their death she has to say she's made her peace with it. Well, sort of. Inner rather hopes that Outer's made peace with it. They were always more of...her parents. She was kinda just like...the adopted daughter they were never made aware about.

So of course, if possible, she wouldn't want them to pass away from a freak house fire accident (that really could've been managed if there was even one decently skilled Shinobi with a water attribute around)-

But overall, what she's trying to say is that regardless of when they die, she'll already be mentally and emotionally prepared this time. For her, she'll be inevitably going through the same experience twice. And whereas the first time it had built her, the second time was just repetition; going through the motions so to speak.

She hopes they live long- but if that's not possible, she hopes they'll live well. And on Sakura's end she'll put an effort as to not give them so much heartbreak this time around that her poor father's hairline had grayed far ahead for his age.

Now as for revenge…

Sure, she hates Sasuke more than anything in this world. But revenge was totally out of the question since in doing so, that would make her a copier in his footsteps. (not to mention his mistakes).

...but occasionally, from time-to-time she'll engage in petty juvenile acts to get back at him through his past self.

(…..she'll never admit that she finds it a little pathetic, even to herself.)

So moving aside from those two factors, the last bit about gaining power…

Well let's put it this way; in her previous life, she had already reached the pinnacle of her field and in terms of her professional career wise. Nevermind that her personal life was a wreck beyond repair, reputations of her medical prowess were spotless.

Not like any of it did any good though, other than putting copious amounts of money into her bank account every month.

Could she grow stronger than she had in her previous life? Absolutely.

Did she necessarily want to be so overpowered? Not really.

Already having been a semi-workaholic before, she knew better than anyone else that it was all worthless. Her work as a medic, although fulfilling in its own way, couldn't fulfill the loneliness in her heart. Nor the sadness, nor-

Well, you get it.

Her happiness wasn't proportional to how strong or powerful she got.

If that were to be the case, than by all means Sasuke ought to be one of the happiest people on this planet, she scoffed.

But what she really means by all of this is that- living, was hard. Or so Inner thought to herself.

There was no distinction, no sign given to indicate whether she was making the right move or not. As in she found herself constantly weighing the options and at least trying to take every factor into account.

And even then, she might've unknowingly dug for herself a pitfall.

That, in essence, was what 'life' felt like to Inner.

If this was what it was, if this was all that life amounted to- the nihilism of it all -then Inner would've much preferred those days when she were alive, but not living.

* * *

"Is there anything bothering you at home…? Or possibly outside of school?"

The question had come up during one of their group circle discussions with herself, Sasuke and Iruka- but what was surprising this time was that the question was directed to her.

She blinked owlishly. Comprehending the words and yet not understanding its meaning.

Iruka sighed.

"It seemed to me that despite all our therapy sessions-" and she forced herself in that moment to correct him that he wasn't really a therapist, as he didn't really have the licensing nor the credentials.

"-your aggression towards Sasuke-kun has only gotten worse and worse as time passes on. So I thought we should dig into the root of the cause."

"So Sakura-chan, is there anything in your personal life that's causing you a great deal of internal frustrations that would make you subconsciously 'act out' that anger upon Sasuke-kun?"

She looked at the Iruka who had a Holy-Mother like expression plastered on his face and then alternated back to Sasuke who had a bored-beyond-words appearance.

And as for herself, she was probably guessing that she was making a 'what-is-this-lunatic-talking-about' face.

"-it's alright Sakura-chan, we're all friends here you can speak freely. This is supposed to be a supportive space-"

"First of all, he and I are not 'friends'."

I set the record straight, making air-quotation marks at the word 'friends'.

Iruka's face twitched.

"...so I see." she rolled her eyes.

"But still, you guys have a special bond-"

"A bond of hatred that is." she interjected cooly before he could finish.

His brow twitched some more before taking a couple deep breaths.

"Sakura-"

"Ha...hahaha-! Bond...bond of...hatred-" they both turned around to look at Sasuke wholooked to be trying to hold his laughter in but was still bent over wheezing.

He made eye contact with her and then doubled over with tears in the corners of his eyes.

This, was weird she decided.

Watching him almost like a trance, she realized that Outer never had a memory of Sasuke smiling- nevermind laughing. So therefore, she never had one either. Until now.

It was-

Unfair.

Sasuke stopped laughing and even Iruka turned towards her looking taken aback by something that he saw.

Sasuke's eyebrows were furrowed and his expression totally serious contrasting to how it was a mere seconds ago.

He seemed to be cautious and unsure of himself before uttering-

"...are you okay?"

And for some reason, she herself couldn't seem to find her own voice.

Then finally, she lifted her hands to her face and touched a wetness on her cheeks.

She was crying it seems.

* * *

The first memory that she ever had was darkness.

She didn't know who she was nor where she was. And surrounding her was a total chasm of pitch black darkness.

It was 'Sakura' who came and brought the light. Who told her that if she didn't have anywhere to go, she could stay with her because she didn't have any friends either.

Who told her that she could also share her name of 'Sakura' with a small, childish tilt of her head.

Everything, all of it, was because of Sakura.

Logically, she understands that...not everyone will feel the same way she does. Some might despise and loathe her. They might not care for her very much at all.

She understands-

'-but why couldn't you love her? What part of her wasn't enough? She changed everything for you.'

But she doesn't get it.

Why this world and the people in it, would treat her important person so carelessly. Why she could never find her own happiness.

Why, why, why.

She doesn't want fame, glory or revenge. All she wants-

Is 'Sakura' back.

She realizes that more than the darkness, being alone was much more painful of a thing.

* * *

For the next week or so, there are heavy dark circles lingering under her eyes from total lack of sleep.

These nights, she's been trying to call out, scream out, beg Sakura to return. And yet again, like the first time, to no avail.

She won't budge, won't hear her pleas, won't-

There was a movement of someone knocking into her shoulders and pushing past-

Was the world supposed to be spinning right now?

* * *

The next time she wakes up, she's at the Academy infirmary and the sky outside is a burnt orange hue.

She reckons that everyone must've gone home by now and groans at the pounding headache.

"The nurse said you're suffering from the effects of sleep deprivation. Nausea and headache probably."

This time, she turned around to see Sasuke sitting in a chair adjacent to her bed and frowned.

She chose to ignore his presence and pulled herself out of bed-

...or at least attempted to.

She swayed and fell down almost immediately and then embarrassingly enough, he was the one there to catch her in a instant.

"-let. Go." she growled, ripping herself from his grip and using one hand to hold the furniture for support.

Her head really hurt.

He clicked his tongue and used that gaze of looking down upon her from this angle.

She hated it, she hated feeling this weak in front of him.

'Anyone but him-' she closed her eyes and begged a God, a higher deity- someone-

"Sakura-san?" there was the sound of the door sliding open before Neji's face popped in.

-anyone but him! She groaned.

Why were they even here? Last period must've finished hours ago.

As if hearing her silent question, Neji spoke up.

"I heard you were in the infirmary and came back to see if you were still here...and needed help heading home."

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm sick, not disabled Hyuuga."

"Yes...of course." she waved him off and then turned to...the other.

"The nurse had me keep watch of you until you got home safely." he sounded as if regurgitating the words that was spoken to him by the nurse.

"...whatever." she bit the 'i don't need your help' and it stung her pride to accept their help like this, however unwillingly it was.

She was walking somewhat steadily now, although her legs still felt like they were made of lead and she was dragging them ahead of her body.

"Here-" Neji extended out his hand when she almost reached the door but she didn't even spare a glance towards him- and nevermind his outstretched hand.

When she was out into the hallway with one arm rested against the wall, she thought she heard a sigh from within the infirmary but maybe not as she was trying to quell the onslaught wave of nausea.

She started moving- slowly -lest the two boys come out and decide to mock and taunt her of her weakness.

Today was just not turning out to be a great day it seemed. But thank God it was almost over. She just had to get home and rest.

-except when she suddenly lost her balance but a hand snaked around her waist prevented her from the expected fall.

She found it to be even more humiliating than had they actually watched her fall without doing anything.

"...let me go." she said quietly but she knew that Neji heard her.

"Are you-" his voice rumbled against her back and a surge of strength seemed to shot through her because she managed to push him away harshly.

Then, as expected, she fell on the ground. She glared at the long haired boy who was sporting a wince and then beside him, Sasuke who was staring back at her glare with a nonchalant gaze.

Then, he stepped forward. Another step.

And she knew by the shaking of her legs that she couldn't get up this time.

"-go away!" she screamed.

With a murderous gaze, she dared him through her eyes to take even one more step forward.

Internally, she cursed all hell that she hadn't been more proactive and recreated the Strength of Hundreds seal on her forehead. That way, she would have access to the Creation Rebirth technique and she wouldn't find herself in such an embarrassing predicament.

Admittedly, it was her own fuck up.

"I hate you! I hate you- I wish your brother had killed you too that night-!" she burst out.

Until he was perhaps a few feet towards making contact with her through a punch, a kick- whatever -he stopped and knelt down before her.

"Why?" he stared at her with that dead, dark gaze and it flashed a memory of him when he were older. Their imaged overlapped in that moment and she...snapped.

"Because...because-!"

There were a million and more words left on the tip of her tongue and yet she couldn't utter even a single one.

"You're not going to talk?" he tilted his head and a loose smirk played along his lips.

Her fist clenched but this time, she forced herself to speak articulately.

"...you're selfish. You don't give a damn about other people or their pain. You're heartless. You're...a real piece of fucking work Uchiha."

"Now get out of my face" she spat.

In hindsight, this was what she should've done all along.

* * *

She's leaning against the wall for support when a hand drops down on her head. She didn't know where this brat had the balls to act all familiar with her.

Clearly, this moment of weakness of hers was allowing him to forget the times when she'd beaten his ass not too long ago.

Sasuke had graciously taken his leave by now and she's more than certain that the sun's completely set by this hour.

"...you can cry you know?"

"-hah?" what was this idiot saying now?

"I just thought- pardon me, I assumed you were having a hard time and was trying not to show weakness." he spoke, and she looked with an empty gaze at the pale contours of his face.

"...whatever."

They sat in silence for a while.

"...if it's alright with you I'd could still escort you home..?" he phrased carefully.

"Do what you want." she replied curtly.

The ever-graceful boy seemed to fumble about for a while before reaching his arms out unsurely.

"May I...carry you?"

"-I told you to do what you want didn't I?" she snapped.

In the end, she ended up being princess-carried by him all the way home making her parents apologetic and thankful towards the little shit.

She still refuses to thank him and goes upstairs without a single glance backwards towards him despite her parents loud admonishments trailing behind of how she was being 'rude'.

...but whatever. His personality wasn't actually as terrible as she originally thought it to be.

* * *

After that infirmary incident, as she promised to herself, she began the slow arduous process of rebuilding her seal.

But perhaps the biggest change undergoing her life around this time was her pseudo 'graduation' from their little therapy group.

She basically swore to Iruka that she wouldn't bother Sasuke anymore; wouldn't even so much as look in his direction. To all of which she said with such genuine conviction that the teacher became troubled and had no other choice but to let her go.

And then following came Neji's graduation, so he was out of the picture as well.

...speaking of which, the reason she knew he graduated was due to his sudden appearance before her saying so while sporting the telling hitai-ate.

She congratulated him without much of a second thought.

But with his departure and her own absence from the group, the whole counselling thing disbanded without much fanfare.

She reckons it was for the best interests of everyone.

Now they could all use their time in a more productive manner whereas Iruka could stop his habit of day-drinking due to much of the stress that she had caused him previously.

She still naps on the rooftop, she's picked up some hobbies, she's actively trying to learn new skills; such as, fuinjutsu.

And even though she still doesn't hear from Outer, she decided to start keeping a diary recording all the events occurring in her life so that one day, if she were to return, she could know all that happened in the meantime of her absence.

Before she knew it, time had flown by and it was the time of her own graduation.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: where do we go from here?

Life, Sakura decided, got better the less and less you thought about..._things. _

If she were to give one piece of advice to anyone she would tell them to not resist against the currents and thus, exhausting all of your energy. Just, _go with the flow. _

The two students, one boy and a girl, both skipping classes by laying on the rooftop made for quite a picture.

Usually she'd be napping by now- _hell, _usually Shikamaru would also be in dream-land but for some reason today they were basking in the silence of each other's company and cloud-watching together.

Well, not 'together' but they were nevertheless staring holes into the sky simultaneously.

For some time now, she'd unconsciously enjoyed the sensation of having a human contact that was an intelligent equal to herself.

And considering that she's probably somewhere past middle age in terms of her mind and yet _just barely _being considered to be the boy's equal in terms of intelligence was...sad. But she prefers the term 'humbling' thank-you-very-much.

The great thing about Shikamaru was that he didn't see the need for mundane, surface level conversation just because they shared the same hideout- which was the rooftop.

The first day he had stumbled here and found her already sprawled across, he simply muttered 'troublesome' before laying down himself and promptly snoring away.

(well, he didn't _snore _but whatever).

And when she said they didn't engage in shallow forms of conversation, it also meant they didn't engage in any sort of talk with one another _at all. _

They were rooftop companions at best, practically strangers at worst.

'_But it was...welcomed while it lasted' _she thinks. There was a certain sense of tranquility and assurance that she felt within his presence.

Maybe a part of her was still projecting the War Strategist from Sakura's memories who led them to so many countless victories that it seemed nothing could go wrong under his leadership.

Not that they were leader and subordinate currently. But still, she doesn't doubt even for a second that a day will come in the near future where he's bossing her around all over the village (yet again).

"...do you know who you're going to be placed with?" he speaks up after all this time and she immediately assumes that he's talking about teams.

There was no need to ask about her graduation which was more than guaranteed at this point. She just had to show up and collect the hitai-ate.

"...I'm guessing you already know who your teammates are?" she throws out in response.

"Why are you asking something so obvious?" he spoke derisively.

"it's-"

"-InoShikaCho." I finish in a drawling tone.

A beat of silence passed where she nibbles the inside of her cheek before deciding to come out and say it.

"...it's Naruto and Sasuke."

There was a barked out laugh.

"Well, at least if Sasuke 'happens' to die during active duty I'll know what happened."

"I'm not a killer. I'm very pro-life." I deadpan.

"_Sure._"

"I'm serious. I'm gonna be the best medic the world's ever witnessed."

"So in the end they decided to put him with you two huh." he comments, steering the topic back to conversation.

In fact, even she wasn't all quite sure that the original Team Seven placements from her timeline would still stand so she snooped around Iruka's paperwork and- no dice, it was still the same as before.

"I'm rookie of the year and Naruto's dead last. We have to be together." she states, although she was quite sure Shikamaru already knew how this whole system worked.

It wasn't that hard to predict, it was just looking at the past patterns.

"-right, and they could put Hinata but she has a crush on Naruto. And Kiba would conflict with Naruto-"

"But there _was _potential in putting Kiba in Team Seven. Who knows, the two are so similar that they might become really good friends." she interjects.

"Nah, I run in the same social circles as them both and they're _too _similar in a way that repulses the other."

"...right." she acquiesced but wondered secretly '_Naruto had social circles?' _

"-well, having Sasuke be in a team with Hinata and Shino would work too but…"

"It'd be a dead silent team."

"Exactly." Shikamaru agreed.

"_Well. _I hope everyone's ready to see the worst dysfunctional team ever since the time of Konoha's founding."

"...take it easy on your new sensei, whoever he is. I saw Iruka-sensei the other day and I think there's a bald patch on the back of his head."

"-don't worry," Sakura comforts.

"-my new sensei's hair is already grey." she quirks her lips up at her own inside joke before dusting off to go face her graduation 'exams'. H came before N in the alphabet afterall. It was soon to be her turn.

Shikamaru doesn't offer the politeness of a 'good luck!'. He should know by now that she didn't need it.

* * *

The one thing that's she's immensely glad for is the fact that Naruto didn't harbour a crush on her in this life.

It was truly nice, don't get her wrong-

But she doesn't quite know how to interact in the future with a Naruto who...isn't lovestruck by her mere presence. Or who isn't her Hokage who she has to show respect for.

It's...weird, to say the least.

And if she's honest, she hasn't quite..._known _for a long time- maybe ever -on how to be with Naruto as just a 'friend'.

Well, on the assumption that they do become close.

Admittedly, when she first got to the past, she was adamant about not recreating those old relationships with former friends that ended in drastic failure.

It was just that, ultimately she couldn't see these people the way she used to. It came with knowing the future, having _lived in_ the future. It's not trust issues; it's knowing that certain people have the capacity to betray and just...not risking that.

What was the phrase? Once bitten twice shy?

She's not...necessarily in a position to give these people a 'second chance' (whether they realized it or not) on behalf of Outer but maybe-

Maybe she could see for her own eyes what kind of a person they were, _are, _

_-what kind of people did you spend your life loving and caring for? _

She has all of 'Sakura's' memories but it wasn't like the same thing. She didn't _know _these people. Never did. Just as how one wouldn't _really _know the characters in a play.

So maybe it's not like she's giving them a second chance but rather just being curious and yet cautious in case they really were undeserving of Outer and in which scenario she'd warn her. She'd tell Outer never to associate with their lot ever again in this lifetime.

When she comes back of course.

"-you're late!" Naruto exclaims, finger pointed in front of Kakashi's face as the chalkboard eraser makes contact with his head in a cloud of white smoke.

"My first impression of you guys is...I hate you all."

'_Well, that makes the two of us' _she smirked.

* * *

She realized that she'd never done a self introduction until now.

She blinks owlishly at the three sets of eyes and tries to compile her thoughts into the present.

"My name is Sakura Haruno. In terms of what I like...it's a person. What I hate is...being away from this person, losing any way to contact with them and-"

"-being abandoned by them." I finish, staring into my hands.

"My dream...one day I'd like to be able to talk to them again. Even if it's for the last time...but more than that, I wish this person would have the life they deserve and the happiness they truly deserve."

She looks up and finds them all staring at her oddly.

Especially Kakashi. He looks...awkward.

Eventually he clears his throat and says:

"Well, that was honest of you Sakura."

"I tried." she shrugs. She doesn't know when she'll have another chance to do a self introduction after all.

"So...any professional aspirations?"

"Medic" she replies with a mirthless smile.

"-kuhk!"

And she thought she heard Sasuke choking in the background. She must've heard wrong.

* * *

The bell test is-

Easy.

Mostly thanks to Kakashi's help. Even if they were genins, he shouldn't have let his guard down _that _much.

But then again, she doesn't blame him. She was a bit of a wild-card.

In either case, she ends up getting a bell almost immediately after the test started and has, technically, 'passed' by the standards of the test given.

Kakashi blinks at her several times to the point that she questioned whether he had dry eye. (blame the medic in her).

But then his gaze drifts towards the bell attached to the string which was dangling between her thumb and her forefinger.

"You...pass?" he sounded even unsure of himself. Maybe even a little self-conscious.

Probably was thinking if he was an easy opponent. Maybe questioning his whole existence in the Bingo-Books. Perhaps comparing himself against his former sensei and then his former sensei-

Well you get it.

But sorry Kakashi. It wasn't really because your caliber of strength was low but she was simply the time travelling obaa-san who was in this business about a decade longer than your current aged self. (you just don't know it.)

She rolled her eyes.

"Here," she throws the bell at Naruto's direction and by instinct, he seems to catch it. His jaw was still hanging somewhere on the floor though.

"You can have it. I'm gonna go back to the Academy and see if there's any other team I can be on. This one- no offence -_sucks._"

She gestured to the comatose state of Naruto and then the stiff postured state of Sasuke. The latter who was about the closest thing she got to having a life-long enemy.

And if she didn't know that this whole 'second exam' was a sham, she really would've gone back to the Academy and demand Iruka for another team placement lest he wanted Satan in his dreams every night.

Satan being herself of course.

"...huh." Kakashi said, very _intelligently _she might add.

"-tch. Who wants your charity? _I'll _go back to the Academy. It'll be unpleasant working with two people that hate me."

"Oh shut up Uchiha and grow a personality instead of that stick up your ass-"

"Hey! Don't forget about me!-"

"ahem...AHEM!" Kakashi coughed.

"Sorry, something in my throat" he apologized when all of us were looking at him.

"So you all pass~" he eye-smiles before poofing away.

There was the sound of Naruto's spluttering in the background and-

Well, although she couldn't physically _hear _Sasuke's angst...let's be honest, she could still hear it.

And as for her she trots her way home where she knows her parents would be preparing a feast of celebration right about now. She did tell them she would be finished around this time after all.

So even though you can't plan for _life _in its entirety, she must say that it still feels damn good when part of your life ends up going according to plan. Sometimes, you were the cloud, being pushed against the wind currents- but other times, like when the clouds gather to form a thundercloud, it was still a force to be reckoned with.

The moulding and the moulded.

* * *

**from acapricorn: **

**I'm going to be laying on a beach on the other side of the globe around this time next week. I don't know how time zones work so I'll still be putting out chapters on Mondays but if you live in the western hemisphere, you'll probably be getting them like...Tuesdays? idk. On another note, this guest left me a really cute and long ass review on the last chapter (I say this but I love long reviews so don't get me wrong) that really cheered me up and gave me motivation to finish this chapter. **

**so leave reviews y'all. Follows and Favorites are cute or whatever but reviews be like my red-bull. They keep me totally energized and addicted **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six: It's not you, it's me.

His _first _impression of Sakura was...honest. Based on the contents of her self-introduction of course.

She was very raw and open about a subject in her life which, in his opinion- must've been painful. She'd used the word '_abandoned' _at some point and that was what gave it away. Well, that amongst the various other things.

He thought she was more similar to Sasuke than Naruto in that of their honesty. (or bluntness).

Naruto on the other hand...Kakashi felt as though there were various walls built in the boy's heart. He scraped most of his sunny outer disposition as merely that; a mask crafted so well that even the wearer couldn't tell anything was off.

It reminded him of Kushina.

There were...days he remembers seeing her and she would have that goofy, simple-looking grin on her face as she rambles about ramen and other senseless things for hours after the villagers would talk behind her back.

Saying '_why wasn't that monster fighting on the front lines instead of my son/daughter who was risking their lives in the war?' _

Well, something like that anyways.

His second impression of Sakura was that, she was _ridiculously _strong.

Strong to the point that it quite frankly defied the laws of common sense. Of course he 'knew' she was rookie of the year but he'd seen Gai's student at one time and there was an insurmountable gap between the number one rookie from the year before and Sakura.

By all means, she shouldn't have been able to grab that bell.

(but she did. And thus became probably the shortest test that Kakashi ever conducted. Or even in the entire history of the Bell Test in general)

His third (and updated) impression of Sakura was: a socially awkward genius. He ignores the tiny annoying voice in his head that saids 'it takes one to know one, _obviously._'

Yep, that sounds about right.

There was a distinct feeling of aloofness when you looked at her. And even though it's not as though she _couldn't _make conversation, for the most part it seemed not within her interests to do so.

-but maybe 'aloof' wasn't the right way to describe...what she was. It was more of a detachment from the mortal world. As though she's just viewing everything from a loftier place as an outsider.

It made her charismatic. People would flock to her, if only they could that is.

But he wouldn't describe her as a 'complete' socially awkward genius. Mostly due to the fact that she had a mean sense of humour to her.

It was sarcastic, biting, raw. Made people in their macabre line of work crack up like a pack of hyenas.

So his final conclusion about Sakura?

She was just- in all definitions of the term -

_Real. _a real human. (who was just inhumanely strong).

* * *

The clearing was dead silent (as usual) while they wait for Kakashi to show up today.

She still didn't know why the other two bothered to show up 'early' when it's been over a week now and Kakashi's habits were- well, _habits. _

She assumed Naruto at least would get the memo and wake up later and arrive later. She didn't expect him despite all his loud complaints to still come at the designated time every day and wait up to three hours for Kakashi to finally show up.

As for herself, the only reason she also tends to come on time is because after years of living in routine due to the Academy, she feels most comfortable waking up and leaving the house by a certain time. That could be said to be her habit.

If perhaps Kakashi was really tardy for being tardy sake she could find herself clashing with him. Just on principal of course.

But she knew that he was just at the memorial stone. He wasn't really a _careless _person which could be told by simply the masks he wore every day.

-and not to mention, no matter how late they start into their daily missions, he always makes sure that they finish at 4pm, sharp.

"-urgh! I can't do this! You guys are so...quiet!" Naruto exploded.

She ignored him as this was a repeated occurrence by now. He would burst out and complain about the silence while Sasuke would _sometimes _deign to reply in a derisive response.

As for herself, she just ignored everything as usual and flipped another page in her book.

The good thing about Konoha was that they had a lot of sealing books but almost nobody was interested in learning the skill. So there was ample and always available reading material for her when she visits the library.

But more than the in-theory stuff, what she needed more of right now was practice. And she didn't mean the simple things like making a storage scroll or an explosive tag.

She was talking about- sealing one of the tailed beasts or Edo Tensei type of practice.

...for that reason, lately she'd been assessing Naruto like a hawk. The temptation to pull up his shirt and study his seal in detail was...there. She'll just leave it at that.

Sakura knew that Jiraiya would never _really _take her in as a student. His loyalty lie too much in Naruto and his father to pass on that teacher-student legacy to anybody else.

Then again, nor did the thought of being under that pervert's tutelage appeal that much to her.

And she knew for a solid fact that Tsunade had negative sealing experience to speak on. So that left Orochimaru.

Technically the snake Sannin shouldn't be..._bad _at sealing, he was a master of all trades as long as he was a 'scientist'. Pretty much dabbled his hand at researching everything.

She shook her head and decided not to think further upon it. It was after all, neither here or there.

Kakashi arrived some time later without much fanfare and they started their trek along to the mission tower.

Life to her current self wasn't..._miserable _so to say. It just wasn't entirely fulfilling was all. Of course, there was some degree of satisfaction in studying fuinjutsu but it was more of satisfaction in knowing that she was doing something practical that would benefit her in the future.

It wasn't really-

-it felt like something was missing. She couldn't necessarily tell _what _however. It was an irksome feeling to have nonetheless.

* * *

Kakashi was sexist and it was probably for the best.

She had a big hunch on it when he only taught Sasuke, taught Naruto maybe _barely _and then didn't even leave Sakura a bone to chew on. Her lack of progress under his care thus was, disappointing- but not surprising in that scenario.

It was a point about their teacher-student relationship that she doesn't bring up. Ever. not even years later; _nope. _

Sakura does it all to remain amicable towards Kakashi. And also because she has a heart of pure fucking gold.

In fact, Inner doesn't really have the energy to put the blame on the silver haired Jounin either.

It was one of those cases of '_sure she could've died on the field of duty because I didn't teach her jack shit- but in the end she's still alive and kicking right?'. _

...right. Anyways, better not dwell on the possibilities since it'll make her unnecessarily agitated.

But in actually re-living the days of Outer's childhood, she notices...details that are like a dead giveaway in terms of Kakashi's attitude towards her, or the fairer sex in general.

For one, he _never _lets her hold Tora.

It was always either Naruto or Sasuke that were getting their faces scratched off by that literal hell-cat.

...mostly Naruto though, since on _top _of being sexist, Kakashi also tended to play favourites.

She's on one part glad, but still mildly annoyed and overall concludes that her new sensei was full of shit in various ways.

"...why do I feel as though you're looking down on me?"

"...I've always looked down on you though?" her smile is saccharine and she tilts her head a little while regarding the Jounin with an indulgent look as if she were entertaining a particularly funny child.

In some ways, he was just that; an overgrown man-child not different from the likes of 'Tobi'.

Issues were Issues, she'll acknowledge that much but as an _adult _it was your literal job to get over shit and move on.

Kakashi, does not do that.

"..."

She giggled in a way she presumed those girls in his porn books would.

Light, airy and utterly _vacant._

"You're thinking too much sensei!~"

"..." he just shoots her a deadpan look. She shrugs.

* * *

Maybe singling out Kakashi as a sexist prick was too much.

Because as she's learned, the world twenty years ago was much, _much _different in terms of how they viewed women.

It was...subtle and yet totally obvious things that gave it all away.

"-you have nothing to be concerned about," Kakashi appeased Tazuna as he held Naruto back with one hand from charging towards the bridge-builder.

"I'm an elite ninja and not to mention we have one of the top graduating students from the Academy on our team."

-and of course, immediately the dude's gaze shifts to Sasuke who had his hands shoved into his pockets with a blank look on his face.

Then, he turned his face away which was like a half-indication that it wasn't him.

"Sasuke ranked second among his graduating class." Kakashi quipped with an eye-smile.

Thus, it was Tazuna's turn to give a disbelieving stare at Naruto who was still, at this moment, being restrained by Kakashi's one arm.

"This midget..?"

Eventually having seen enough of this ridiculous spectacle, I spoke up.

"Look, it's _me_. Alright?" her voice came out more annoyed than she had intended, betraying her own inner feelings.

"Y-you?" he spluttered, booze dribbling down his beard.

"Yes, me." she replies in a more monotone this time.

Pressing her lips together to a thin line, she turned away from them to walk ahead of the rest. When her back was turned, nobody could guess what she was thinking.

* * *

Now she had to admit, as many cons there were to becoming a ninja, there were a few silver linings attached to the job as well. If you bothered to look for them that is.

Such as...travel.

Most vetern ninjas would've probably trekked all across the continent with no land left unvisited.

Well, not that they were there on leisure but-

In a way, Shinobi tended to be well seen and learned people for the most part.

As she was admiring the view, it almost felt as if she was forgetting a minor detail of importance…

And it was only when Kakashi 'died' via being cut up into pieces that she suddenly remembered what had been missing.

Right, the _Demon Mist Brothers. _

-to be quite frank, she always thought the moniker was bit of an overkill considering that they were nothing more than mere canon fodder. They were brothers, who came from the mist-

But demons they were not.

She calmly watched as Sasuke sprung into action against their two assailants whilst Naruto stood around, looking frantic- but rooted on the spot, helpless to do much else.

And unbeknownst to everyone else, when a slight breeze hit the area they stood at, they were all nonetheless wiser.

At first glance of this scene, it appeared as though she were doing nothing. A dead target.

The demon brothers noticed this too and upon realizing they were unable to easily take down Sasuke, they switched targets-

To her.

When they charged at a speed so pitifully slow that everything looked to be going slow motion in her mind's eye, she thought how although sexism is bad, it was still _oh-so-useful. _

They were perhaps a mere few inches to reaching her when she grinned, too wide and full of teeth to be considering pretty or endearing for a girl her age. (she means physically, of course).

In a loud bang, the sound of several explosions went off but even that sound was dwarfed by the shouts of pain that came thereafter.

The clouds settled.

On the ground were the demon brothers with all four of their limbs blasted off to nothing more than stumps of bone remaining and some grotesque bloody matter.

There was a thump and she turns her head slightly sideways to see that Tazuna had fallen behind her.

He was looking up at her in horror and shock.

"-h-how?!"

In response, she presses her forefinger to her lips.

"It's a secret~"

In the end, you have to ask yourself what was scarier? An enemy whose approach you could see and thus guard against- or the one who was completely unexpected and so even until your last moment you didn't know how you were killed.

Of course, Sakura happened to belong in the latter category.

Only those of true strength may see her attack coming...but for nobodies like the demon brothers, they never stood a chance, since the beginning.


	7. Chapter 7

**from acapricorn: **

**so I debated for a while as to how to start my groveling apology and then decided to just come out with the truth to the best of ****_my _****knowledge and perspective. Congratulations: I'm not dead. I was however on vacation as some of you may know and the reason I couldn't upload- or even ****_write _****new chapters was because I lost access to my computer. It's not the best excuse as far as excuses go (congratulations, I'm an asshole on top of being not-dead) but at long last, we shall return back to regular programming. **

**upload schedules are Mondays, reviews are my Red Bulls. **

Chapter seven: in reality, the least interesting answer.

"So how _did _you do it?" Naruto asks while fidgeting and unable to meet her gaze.

She was currently attending to his self-inflicted knife wound while Kakashi milked the demon brothers for information.

She would say interrogated but- well, they had already lost all their will by now it seemed.

Death would be a mercy right about now.

Unexpectedly, a snort escaped her lips as she thought of their fragile mentalities. They really thought they could survive in their field of work with _that _sort of attitude? Don't make her laugh.

Back when Sakura was trying to grow stronger in the absence of Naruto or Sasuke, she had crawled if she couldn't walk. She was willing to endure any sort of humiliation if it meant reaching her goals. Needless to say, her dignity? Nonexistent.

She was at the very bottom but unexpectedly, that sort of groundedness became her best friend.

Amongst their team, it was probably only herself who felt and experienced such a low to that extent. Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi were all geniuses flying high and glorious in the sky.

But she was like an earthworm in the dirt. There was a _desperation _that came with being as weak as she had been.

She shook her head of the thoughts and concentrated on the present.

"Hm? Did you say something?" she asked Naruto, being in somewhat of a good mood to answer questions.

The other boy mumbled something incomprehensible and too low to hear.

It was surprisingly Sasuke who spoke up on his behalf.

"-the dobe asked how you..._dealt _with those demon brothers." he said, leaning against the tree that the three of them were currently under the shade of.

"Ah~ that?" the green glow from her hands had ceased at this point and only smooth skin remain left of where Naruto's previous wound had been.

It was quite a useless waste of chakra considering that he had the natural healing factors of the Uzumaki vitality and not to mention- help of the Kyuubi.

The big fox wouldn't allow his host to die of something like a poison knife wound after all.

"I simply used explosive tags. My own modified design however."

"-but how did you put it on them? I didn't even see you _move._" Sasuke countered.

"Yeah! Yeah! What he said!" Naruto cheered on from the sides, looking stupidly foolish with that ugly scrunched up face of his.

"Well, considering that explosive tags are made of paper-"

She rummaged for something in her pockets and opened her fist to see what was in her hand.

It was a small paper crane. Maybe the size of her thumb.

And then applying a bit of wind jutsu, the creature looked as if it were flying like the real thing.

She had stolen this idea from that Akatsuki girl (-that she had forgotten the name of as it had been so long) and a mixture of Sai's painted creatures. And adding fuinjutsu to the mix, this was her result that she had come up with.

In the end, she decreased the wind currents and the paper crane fell back harmlessly into the palm of her hand.

"...so? Any more questions then?" she raised her eyebrow

Naruto looked to be in a bit of awe whereas Sasuke regarded her with a level of intensity in those dark eyes.

They were practically saying that they wanted to dissect her to see what could be found within. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"How did you-"

"_-get so strong?_" she finishes for him.

'_Atypical.' _she thought blandly. Of course, _of course _he would ask this question.

But unlike how Naruto would deign to respond with 'hard work and lots of training!' while clenching his fists, she has a different answer.

And she answers honestly.

"I use my head. You see- my mind; the strength of it, the versatility of it, allows me to overcome most- if not all- obstacles."

"I believe that I can win, and I use whatever's at my preparation or disposal to make the chances favourable to me. It's not a secret, but that's how I win. That's why I'm strong."

Naruto with his bull-headedness. Sasuke with his pain.

Whereas they both used their emotions to grow strong in one way or another, it was only herself who chose to utilize her mind to find a different path to strength.

-but who could say which way was right and which method was wrong in the end?

* * *

Before they were set to arrive into Wave Country, Kakashi happened to pull me aside with a serious looking face.

"The demon brothers are working under Gato, but more importantly, he's hired Zabusa of the Hidden Mist who's known to be a very strong opponent."

"So? Hurry up and spit it out. What are you _really _trying to say here?" she returned sarcastically.

"...I have to know you'll protect Naruto _and _Sasuke."

"...you know he'll have a seizure if he hears this- actually, no. him and Naruto _both._" at the insinuation that they needed to be protected by someone like _her _at this point in time.

They might grow to be tigers but their fangs haven't been sharpened (yet).

That is to say, paper tigers; intimidating only on paper. The Last Uchiha and Kyuubi were still merely _children. _

"Yeah, I got it." she sighed, scratching the back of her head.

* * *

The air in the boat was hot and humid making Sakura's clothes stick to her body. It didn't really help either that they were _cramped _inside of the boat that was holding far over it's capacity. She was practically sitting on Kakashi's lap with the way one of her legs was completely draped over his.

And to think she was doing this mission...for how much again? Oh yeah- that's right; _free. _

If there was one thing about Sakura, it was that she was weak to extreme weather conditions. Such that; either too hot or too cold of a temperature..._aggravates _her senses.

In other words, she's moody alright?

She props her hand up against the railing of the boat as beads of sweat trail down like a fountain down her face and neck.

They were moving at such a painfully slow pace that probably water-walking would've been a faster method.

The boys, perhaps sensing the metaphorical storm clouds surrounding her form, tactfully keep quiet. Especially Naruto. God knows how annoying he gets as soon as that mouth of his opens up.

"We're almost there" the boat driver announces after what seems like an eternity.

And the promise delivers true as moments later, they reached the dock with a dull 'thump' and predictably enough, she was one of the first ones to jump up and out of there.

By the time everyone got out, the ferryman, without so much of a pleasant 'goodbye' turns on his engine and swiftly rides away. _Much _faster than the pace they arrived by, she might add.

Sakura was almost immediate to swear up a storm while the rest watched the sight, dumbstruck.

"Am I, am I a _joke _to you?!" she splutters and yells loudly at the retreating back of the boat driver.

'_Vrooooom~' _came the response of the engine speeding up.

A tick mark formed at her temple.

"-that's it you little _shit-_" she made a crouching motion as if getting ready to sprint across the waters.

Unfortunately, Kakashi grabbed her by the back of her shirt collar. She was left dangling in mid air with a petulant scowling expression spread across her face.

"...as ninja, we must sometimes pick and choose our opponents." Kakashi said in a profound tone.

Sakura stared at him, flabbergasted.

"You fight with _GUY!_" she shrieks.

At her response, Kakashi drops her without warning and Naruto-

"-who's Guy?"

* * *

The moment in which Sakura realizing her worth, her potential, the indisputable fact that she is undoubtedly the saving grace of Team Seven-

Is now.

When Zabusa arrives in all his moo-moo glory and before he and Kakashi could even exchange a _word _of banter with one another, she blurts out:

"-Whatever he's paying you, we'll pay you double!"

"Hah?! Little girl-"

She gritted her teeth.

"Triple!"

"..."

Now, if you were a respectable adult, you should know that one of life's purest forms of happiness was to be able to throw around money like it wasn't _shit. _Like it was all just leaves dangling from a tree.

And then a step above even _that _is when you're throwing around someone else's hard earned cash. (which was probably also dirty in a lot of places because rich people inevitably didn't get rich by being _nice-_obviously.)

That's right, she's going to rob Gato. suck that little piggy bank dry of every last penny.

Enough to fuel Zabusa 'cow-prints-are-a-fashion-statement' Momoichi's rebellion and make their Hokage's retirement funds look like chump change.

She's animatedly explaining all of this while sounding mildly neurotic in glee when pretty boy Haku decides to drop down from the tree he's been hiding in.

And that's when she smirks, knowing that she's won this gamble- and thinks that her title of 'international diplomat' on the side wasn't all for nothing.

"You crazy bitch." Zabusa muttered after letting out a deep sigh.

She flashes a smirk at in response.

"Thanks, but you're not all that sane yourself"

* * *

She started forming the plan by first taking out the variables that had to be eliminated.

"-everyone else who doesn't have pink hair, raise their hands."

Reluctantly, everyone's hands flew up into the air.

"Alright, so those with their hands raised will _not _be participating in this mission. Good talk guys, meeting adjourned."

She turned around to leave when Kakashi's hand came down on her shoulder.

"Not so fast," he said with smiling eyes.

"You can't go alone." she wanted to roll her eyes. She didn't of course but-

"Sure I can." she found herself rebutting with a shrug.

"-and besides, it's not my fault that you guys are all a liability to this mission."

"Oh? How so? Explain, Sakura." Kakashi arches his brows and waits in silence for her next words.

Annoyed at his...patronizing attitude, she harshly jerks out of his grasp and begins to talk.

"You," she points at him.

"-are too flashy. Too famous. Practically everybody knows of your face."

"Maa~ I wouldn't say '_everyone'..._it's precisely for that reason I wear a mask everywhere."

It took a few seconds for the meaning of his words to register. She clicked her tongue. Clever bastard.

"You're right, if you took your mask off, nobody would know who you are- _Copy Cat Kakashi._"

"-sensei to you. Kakashi _sensei._" she felt a tick mark forming on her temple.

Was he trying to pick a fight? Because for a while now he's been uselessly annoying.

"...maa~ just teasing my cute little genin" Sakura slapped away the hand that was stretching towards her head.

She wasn't a goddamned _dog _thank you very much.

Moving her gaze towards Naruto, he stood on alert, eyes shining of expectations.

"...too loud." she simply said.

"WHAT?!-MMPH-!" his blabbering mouth was currently being blocked by Sasuke. She hopes that Naruto licks his palm or something.

Then she turns to the missing mist nin.

"Can't be trusted." she deadpans.

"Damn right" Zabusa scoffs, baring those ugly teeth at her.

"...You forgot one other person though" Kakashi piped up suddenly.

Now it was her turn to be confused.

"...are you asking me why I'm not taking Tazuna?" she asked in bafflement.

In response, at his name being mentioned, the old man shook his head so hard that he might even shake himself sober at this point.

"...Sasuke. I'm talking about Sasuke."

"Oh," she dismisses with a wave.

"Can't. I'm afraid if he dies I won't be able to afford the cost of his life. He's an _Uchiha _after all."

"Well it's a good thing you won't have to worry about that then." Kakashi eye-smiles. She had a bad feeling about this.

"-because technically _I'm _the team leader on paper. I'll bear all the responsibilities."

"-still, nope. Not happening. I can't work with him." she rejected in a firm stance.

"Can't or won't?" he throws the ball back at her in the form of a question.

"His work attitude is poor." she grits out through clenched teeth.

"Talk about yourself." came Sasuke's interjected scoff. The only time he'd spoke in this entire conversation _about him _until now.

"...well! Then it's settled." Kakashi brings his hands together.

"-wait, what's settled-?!" Sakura finds herself blurting out unconsciously.

"Sakura and Sasuke will go raid Gato's base…"

"And the rest of us will go wait for them at Tazuna's home which he's hospitably opened up to us." he concluded.

Tazuna merely laughed weakly on the side at the thought of so many ninja- born and bred killing machines -invading into his house.

Then, he proceeded to take another large swig of his bottle.

"-KAKASHI!" she shouted, frustration bubbling over like hot lava.

"_-sensei_"

"-it's still a _decade _too early for that shitty brat," she gestured back at Sasuke's form

"To keep up with me on a mission." she glared, daring him to refute otherwise.

Kakashi was about to open his mouth and say something when-

"...three years."

She looked back and could've _swore _she saw a flash of red before those eyes returned back to their regular obsidian coloured state.

"Give me three years and I'll be on the same level as you." he declared, gaze sharp enough to cut.

Sakura's mouth went dry with the words she wanted to rebuke with in that moment.

* * *

"-I'm curious though, why did you let the Uchiha go?" Zabusa Momoichi asks, cocking his head.

"...no reason. I just felt that he wanted to go."

"-NO FAIR! Then I wanted to go too…" he let Naruto's loud complaints roll over him like background noise.

Kakashi always watches his students. Of course, he also watches out for them but…

Sakura's apathy. Naruto's depth. And lastly-

Sasuke's obsession.

You see, there was no such thing as 'moderation' to the boy. It didn't exist in his dictionary. Or rather- maybe it was like that with all Uchiha in general, he muses.

(memories of a goggle-wearing boy emerge in his mind)

The way his gaze follows her form at all times like a silent shadow…

-right, he'd seen that similar sight once before hadn't he? A long long time ago…

What Sasuke couldn't notice amidst his emotionally stunted state…

Was the crush he harboured towards Sakura.

And as for himself, what he wanted to do was simply very very selfish.

Kakashi wanted to console himself. See the ending that Obito and Rin could've had, _should've _had, if it weren't for his own existence at that time.

By using his own students.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight: if only you weren't here

There was nothing but a stony silence hanging between them as they walked (almost in too leisurely a pace) towards Gato's hideout.

It totally, _totally _didn't 'feel' like a mission at this point.

And internally. Sakura laments how she could've been finished with everything by now had she not been asked to babysit (because that's _exactly _what this is).

Surprisingly- or perhaps, unsurprisingly, Sasuke keeps quiet.

He seems...almost normal when he does that. Almost tolerable. And Sakura can _almost _forget all the pain his future-past self had caused…

-yeah right. If you thought that was what she was going to say then keep. on. dreaming.

But well, at the very least, even she knows that she can't go on hating someone for every minute, every second, 365 days of the year.

...sometimes she hates him more, sometimes she'll hate him less.

Right now, it was leaning towards the latter.

After walking for the better part of a good hour, there was something visible in the distance other than the dense forest of trees that previously made up the landscape.

That would be their cue. They had arrived (or almost arrived) at their destination.

"...right." she clapped her hands together and turned around with the intention to face Sasuke who had been directly following her all this while.

Maybe her move had been abrupt but she saw his eyes widening by the barest fraction from the close distance they found themselves in.

He was close enough to land a hit from this distance but neither was she the kind to easily get intimidated.

So she stood her ground and after a while of being in a locked staring contest, he took the initiative to step backwards.

Maybe he remembered that she was the leader for this operation and thus, his face was flushed from what could only be embarrassment from overstepping his boundaries.

But...well, she mused. In the last life, there were rarely cases where she had been made team leader this or that blah blah instead of Sasuke. Everybody had always bent over backwards to worship at his feet for whatever goddamn reason.

And while at the topic, her biggest complaint about the higher up's decision would be that Sasuke wasn't even a _good _leader most of the time.

His career at least, wasn't built on cooperation or teamwork or whatever bullshit that their tree hugging village was founded upon.

He had gotten to where he was through being obnoxiously strong and renowned. Both, which could be mostly accredited to the name and lineage of 'Uchiha'.

Saying Sasuke had the qualities of a leader was like saying she was actually a blonde. Needless to say, it was utter bullshit of course.

So why was he always made squad leader? Simple. Even with his shitty strategic thinking, when he's leader, everyone more or less falls in line.

When you put someone weak in a position of power, it never goes well. Too many upstarts and uselessly big egos in this industry.

Every single fucking day was like another pissing contest about who was the bigger dog.

And then the biggest plus of having Sasuke be team leader (from _her _observations at least) was that there was an almost zero chance of failure.

He was the type where, even if he was stuck with pig-like teammates, he had the ability to solo-clear missions with his, (frankly) unfair strength. In other words, he was too OP.

She snapped herself out of her musings before grunting towards this younger-version of Sasuke to follow closely behind her and gave simple enough instructions of 'don't get hit, I can't afford it if you die.'

...And she means that quite literally. If he dies on her watch (no matter what shit-for-brains Kakashi saids) she can kiss her ninja career goodbye.

At least in Konoha anyways.

She cracks her knuckles and a light of excitement flashed past her venom coloured eyes.

* * *

She kicks down the door without so much of a warning…

-considering that everyone inside probably heard them approaching as she hadn't bothered to hide the sound of her footsteps.

"..."

"..."

Or not? She had expected there to be at least a few ninja but quickly reevaluated that initial prediction of hers.

There was nothing but mere civilian thugs and mayyybe some samurai if she's reading the hold of their swords properly.

If Gato had hired even one or two decently trained ninja he wouldn't be choking on his tea just now at their 'surprise' entrance.

Like...seriously. She wants to roll her eyes. In fact, she does exactly that.

No Kakashi around? No problem.

He was probably the only one she had to act as a well-behaved chihuahua in front of.

...And by the way, Gato had been entirely too easy to spot, with what that ugly mug of his sitting on a throne like chair in the smack dab center.

Makes her job easy.

"Alright change of plans," she calls out to Sasuke.

"-go wild." she simply instructs and feels his rush past her.

'_Well, isn't that a good boy' _she thinks.

She comes into eye contact with Gato and licks her lips.

Sakura's the kind of adult that likes money after all.

And Gato, is _made _of money.

* * *

She kicks the mangled corpse of the once-alive billionaire to the side carelessly and works on stuffing more duffle bags with more money.

She doubts that this is hardly all of the guy's fortune but…

-whew, this was still a substantial amount of it, she thinks.

"...your eyes are turning green." Sasuke comments blithely while leaning against a pillar on the side.

Sakura rolls her eyes but retorts.

"They've always been green you dumbass."

"Hn."

...and he proceeds to stand there, while letting her do all the grunt work of moving stacks of cash into bags.

The worst part about all of this probably wasn't even that he wasn't helping to make the process faster.

It was the fact that when they both discovered the safe, her reaction was laughing hysterically whereas Sasuke didn't even bat a greedy eyelash at the fortune presented before him.

"...stupid rich kids." she couldn't help but grumble under her breath.

Because that was exactly what it was.

She's said it before and she'll say it again: Sasuke...is _loaded. _

In her last life, the only thing Inner felt was regrettable about Sakura's divorce was the fact that she and Sasuke signed a _pre-nup _of all things before they got hitched.

That alone made her want to cry tears of blood.

Like, wasn't it obvious that if you couldn't have his heart, you should at least aim for his money?!

They finally finish packing up everything from the safe and dumping it into Sasuke's storage scrolls and she dusts herself off from the ground.

Whereas Sasuke has already halfway turned around to leave, Sakura stays for an extra second to blow one last kiss to the dead open-eyed-in-horror visage of Gato.

She still thought that he was one hella ugly dude that killed countless of normal civilians and starved kids and families onto the streets…

...yeah, there was no 'but' in this scenario.

She and cow-prints would put the money into good use.

* * *

"-HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"-HEHEHEHEHEHE…"

"I'M RICH I'M RICH I'M RICH!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

Haku silently bowed his head as he was unable to watch on any longer as his mentor went bat shit insane.

Tazuna's daughter had already hastily blocked Inari's eyes at display of her own father's shameful display.

As for her own team...they watched on slack jawed as she fanned herself with bills with an expression of utter bliss on her face.

"...I've never seen her so happy-no wait, I've never seen her not-grumpy!" Naruto exclaims.

'_I heard that you little shit' _she thought…

But...well, she'll let it slide since she's in a good mood for today.

* * *

The next day, when she already expected Zabusa and Haku to blast out of their decrepit hut that they were living out of (no offence to Tazuna's family)

-they unexpectedly didn't.

And so the six of them ended up having breakfast together. (Tazuna and his folk had already gone out early in the morning to celebrate Gato's demise it seemed).

At least they didn't forget to make them breakfast before they dashed out of the house.

'Cause let me tell you, Inari's mom's food was the _bomb. _

Uncaring of the somewhat tense atmosphere around the table, she was the only one shoving her throat down with food.

"-ahem...AHEM!"

"..?" she looked up from her meal, a small fishtail bone sticking out of her mouth.

She tilted her head as if to imply 'what is it? Hurry up and spit it out.'

"...as thanks for what you tree hugging lot have done so far, we've decided to stick around until the completion of the bridge and aid in the training of your small genin."

"You dwo know jat Aku's owny two ywers olver thwan us..?" (you do know Haku's only two years older than us?)

"Spit or swallow but don't talk with something in your mouth."

At the dirty thoughts that arose from the pharsing of those words, Sakura did neither.

She choked.

Kakashi sighed and patted her back.

"...c'mon now, get your brain out of the gutter Sakura-chan."

She glared at him as if to say 'this was all your fault in the first place'.

"In the first place," Kakashi began, holding his hands up in the air exasperatedly.

"I didn't expect you to be so dirty minded."

For the third time during this breakfast, Zabusa let out a dry cough.

Then, as if remembering his previous announcement-

"Thank you Momoichi-san, we would totally appreciate your helping hand." Kakashi put on a fake-kindly expression as he enjoyed watching the Swordsman's brow twitch.

"It's. _Zabusa._" the other gritted out.

"-and also, what kind of sissy uses 'totally' in a sentence?" he mocked.

"I assume those that are named 'Momoichi'...isn't that right, Momo-chan?" Kakashi quipps.

Naruto glances in between the faces of the two S-rank nin before holding up his rice bowl, afraid that their breakfast table was about to be flipped any second now.

* * *

Naruto was being taught tree walking by Zabusa and just saying, but that shit was loud as _fuck. _

"-when I was your age I was at the top of my class and killed all my classmates in a duel…"

And so the lecture of the day began as Zabusa's frustrations at trying* to teach Naruto how to tree-walk once again, overflowed.

"-YEAH YEAH, WE GET IT ALREADY" Naruto screams back after being fed up..._yet again. _

This was their daily routine as of the late.

On the other side of the field was Sasuke and Kakashi.

...expectedly, it was a lot quieter over there.

Kakashi was reading his novels while Sasuke practiced by himself in solemn silence.

That left her and Haku but…

"...um? Sakura-san? Why are you sitting so far away?" the other boy asks innocently, gesturing to the mile large stretch that lay in between them.

'_Because! You clueless pretty boy! I'll end up looking like a troll if we sit right next to each other side-by-side!' _

You know what it is that every woman can't stand to tolerate?

Being compared to a prettier woman.

So you know what it is that they can't stand to bear even more than that?

Being compared to man that's more gorgeous than them.

And Sakura was currently exactly in that predicament.

Shedding silent tears, she secretly cursed 18 generations of Haku's ancestors.

What kind of DNA pool did you guys have to make a boy that was. so. damn. pretty?

In her heart, she also slightly feels pity for the boy.

There was no way he was going to be able to get married in this life it seemed.

After all, no self respecting woman would want to stand at the alter on their wedding with a man that outshines them in every aspect.

The difference between Haku's attractiveness and Sasuke's attractiveness was that-

Sasuke managed to have rabid fangirls.

Haku, would end up having rabid _bullies. _

"Sakura-san…"

"Stop adding -san to my name! You're older than me!" she exclaimed, irritant.

She didn't even have to turn to her side to know that Haku perked up like the visible ears of a bunny rabbit.

This stupidly adorable pretty boy! She simply cursed within her black heart.

"Sakura-chan-!"

"-REJECTED!" she howled immediately.

In response, Haku merely wilted like a wall-flower.

* * *

Day Three in wave and she was ready to go home.

There were too many male hormones in the air-

"-YOU STUPID SHIT FOR BRAINS! I'VE NEVER MET SOMEONE AS DUMB AS YOU-"

"OH YEAH?! WELL MAYBE BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO TEACH!"

-And not to mention how Kakashi takes so long in the bathroom every morning that she's practically certain that he rubs one off in there.

Just the thought is _horrifying. _

But the worst is definitely-

"Sakura-chan~ I made you a flower crown!" said the boy pretty enough to have flowers blooming in the backdrop of his smile.

(how does he do that?!)

She looks on, too tired to move from her current spot after actively avoiding his presence for the entire day...and just lets him fucking skip over like the princess-fairy that he was.

She was naturally talking about Haku of course.

At this point, she doesn't even care when he sits himself beside her and puts that damn flower crown on her head.

Doesn't care as to whether her pride as a woman is slowly being grinded to dust.

"Tch." she clicks her tongue.

Ah, whatever. Who the fuck cares? It's not like there's anyone to look good _for _at this moment. Let them all think that Haku was prettier than her-

"Haku! You're even prettier than Sakura!" Naruto laughs obnoxiously, finger pointing.

With a dark expression, she thought that their future Hokage clearly wanted that finger ripped off.

"-uh...Sakura you look scary…"

"Shut up."

"..."

"Go climb your tree."

"..._hai*…_"

* * *

**from acapricorn: **

**idk why I took so long to upload when I had the chapter WRITTEN but I was scared to post for some reason. apologies for that. **


	9. Chapter 9

**EYES WIDE OPEN: part two - doppelganger. **

Chapter nine:

She sat by a cliff, legs dangling feets and feets below that one small wrong move- or an _accident, _she corrects in her mind -could lead to her dismay.

Although she was already dismayed by a lot from life itself. Apparently, living wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. Nobody told her that. Nobody told anyone that.

It didn't matter, Sakura told herself.

The sky was still painfully orange before it would turn bright blue in a few moments later as long as she would still be sitting here to witness the sight. A sunrise.

Now at this time, in the Wave country whose main exports were undoubtedly fish, there would be fishermen hauling and hollering about...well, the _fish. _

However, the place she was sitting at currently was a little ways far and detached from that type of hustle and bustle. It was a stroke of luck that she managed to find it, in all honesty.

There was a sensation of calm.

But one could not be completely calm whilst sitting by the ocean.

The calm before the storm.

* * *

Cheek propped against one palm, Sakura gazed on listlessly upon the rest of her team.

She of course, was not with them.

There was...a barrier; so to speak. A fine line drawn. Of victimhood.

You see, the greatest visible pattern to be found within Team Seven was that they were all _victims. _Survivors of some painful, horrendous, _tragic- _

Well, you get it.

She reckons that this is the team with the people that society gave up on. Well, not so much gave up on but-

She struggled with a proper word to describe it. This concept.

It's like she imagined the Hokage looking at the lot of them and was at a loss too. Of what to do. So eventually just put those three together like a pile of broken things.

And broken things should not impact perfectly good and whole people.

They should not bother. _(but oh, they do. They do.) _

"What are you thinking about Sakura-chan?"

She gives the briefest side eye to the fairy-like boy sitting beside her. Older by a couple years. In _body _anyways.

She always thought he gave off an air of delicacy about him.

Now she knows why though. He's broken too.

His smiles, his eyes, shining bright and black like a beautiful piece of glass-

But empty like a cloudless sky. Too blue it was.

She goes back to looking at her team whilst noting that perhaps Haku could've served a better member of Team Seven than she currently was.

"Nohing in particular" she replies finally, taking her sweet time. Savouring it.

She did find it quite so funny that misery _always _liked company.

'_It must be lonely, it must be painful.' _

But it doesn't mean that just because someone is with you, it gets any better. In fact, things have a tendency to get even worse. Unfortunately.

In the distance, Kakashi puts his arms around Naruto and Sasuke and ruffles their hair with a visible eye-smile.

She has to wonder how much of it is real.

* * *

They've been at the island for a while now.

She herself doesn't necessarily keep track of the days but there is a peculiar mood hanging around the air and around the sulk of Naruto's lips.

They are leaving soon; _parting _soon and they could feel it. Everyone, collectively.

She knows that they have gotten closer with Zabusa and Haku. She was observer to seeing it all happen after all.

For hers is the role to observe. She does not participate. She is afterall, not the _real _Sakura.

But in any case; it seems like such a strange thing. To go from strangers- no, _enemies _-to friends.

A concept that she couldn't quite wrap her head around. You would have to excuse her though. This 'human' thing was pretty new to begin with. That's what she was; a beginner.

And besides, the experience of friendship...she's only had it happen to her once. You could not blame her for not understanding.

She looks on at their unsaid sentiments hanging in the air with a longing of her own.

In hindsight, it was perhaps this event that occurred during dinner that triggered the dream that unfolded in the following night.

* * *

'She' is sitting in the living room. At the kitchen table. But no meals were eaten there. Sarada eats all three meals outside regardless nowadays and Sasuke...perhaps one could consider themselves lucky if they managed to eat _with _him in the village; nevermind at this very exact and specific table.

It was an expensive table too. Bought overpriced amidst her frantic and eager decorating phase during her early twenties.

She is in her early thirties now and all she can think is; _bullshit. _

Well. At least she still eats here sometimes. Although maybe 'eat' is a bit stretching it.

She mostly just drinks coffee with a mix of protein powder. She doesn't get very hungry either way. And in any case, she had her 'resurrection jutsu' as everyone seemed to dub it as. She stopped correcting them too after a while.

She became resigned.

She throws her pen down, carelessly.

It rolls on the table before falling off the edge. Sakura doesn't bother to pick it up.

She looks at her bank statements littered all across the surface with every line of zero indicating how much money she has or has earned.

_(you dipshit. Of course it's all earned. Where would it come from if you didn't earn it?) _

Right. _Right. _

She was in the middle of doing her taxes. Not anymore though of course. She's gotten side tracked after all.

There are a million possible thoughts running through her brain. She doesn't entertain them all. She _cannot _entertain them all.

Because to explore every single one till the end-

Was like asking for madness.

So she doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to _think _about it.

Because her mind was already tilting at a precarious ledge. No, she thought to herself. _Let's not. _

But according to psychology, we were not the masters of our own minds.

Sakura believes it.

There were questions in her head that perhaps no one, not even God almighty could give her the answers to.

Such as: '_what's wrong with me?' 'what could I have done better?to make you happy?' 'do you blame me for being a bad mother to our child? YOUR child?' _

But the one she was the most curious about; goes like this.

You said you loved me...what does that mean?

The trembling starts from her heart. Then it spreads; to her fingertips, her mouth is quivering.

A first sob breaks out. Like a moan of suppression and pain.

She must be in pain. Logically, she recognizes this fact. But it was quite alright.

Because the human body also gets used to the pain.

She believes that too.

'_Do not break...do not break…' _she whispers it like a mantra amidst her tears.

In the end, I never fell out of love for you. I simply fell out of love for love. I didn't want to be _in love _anymore.

Because that was how painful it felt to me.

* * *

She woke up gasping for air that could not fill up her lungs fast enough.

Her knuckles were white from grasping at the bedsheets and she doesn't even need to feel around to know that the pillowcase was wet with her tears that were still streaming down, seemingly endless in its quantity.

"_Fuck." _she swears under her breath.

She wakes up almost at the point of breaking dawn again. It was time to go to the cliff. It seemed like she would make the sunrise...yet again.

* * *

She couldn't tell you exactly when the dreams started. Maybe the second or the third night of staying here.

But she could at least tell you what they were about.

Sasuke -_of course_\- because it was always about Sasuke. So atypical. So..._expected. _

There was no great tragic tale about Sakura's life other than the unfortunate circumstances wherein she fell in love with the wrong boy.

And she doesn't say he's not the 'right' one because of how broken _he _is.

It's just that, in loving broken people there is a risk of letting ourselves become broken too.

Because these are the people that can't love you back. No matter how much you plead and beg at their feet.

They simply...can't.

_I guess you have your answer then. _She thought.


End file.
